Indoctrination Test
by Devin Sexon
1. My favorite food is:
Bad coffee and doughnuts
Boiled cardboard with cinnamon and sugar on it
Wild Turkey on the rocks
Lysol
2. When I listen to music I listen to:
Trini Lopez
Guy Lombardo
The Bay City Rollers
I'd rather watch TV
3. The last time I was arrested it was for:
Stealing women's underwear
Public nuisance
Don't remember
Telling the F.B.I. that I have an obsession with Jodie Foster
4. I know I am working the steps correctly when:
I can go all day without flashing the neighbors poodle
I drink lots of coffee & smoke lots of cigarettes
More than half of my sponsees have filed a restraining order against me
God says so
5. I carry a stuffed animal and suck my thumb because:
I'm such a bad dude, ain't nobody gonna give me shit for it
I started drinking when I was four years old
My sponsor told me to
I'm getting in touch with my inner child
6. The most important part of recovery is:
The steps and the Big Book
A caring and understanding sponsor
The fellowship and meetings
I drank more Lysol than all of you put together
7. The main reason people relapse is:
There is a sale on their favorite brand of beer
They just got out of jail
They just got paid
They're out of town and nobody will know
8. When I hallucinate I usually have a vision of:
Bill W. wearing a pink tutu
An enormous glowing doorknob in the sky
A bottle of Wild Irish Rose
Dr. Bob performing surgery on me
9. "Normal" people really tick me off because:
They don't know where to get good dope
They are constitutionally incapable of being honest
They just don't understand
They refuse to hear my searching and fearless moral inventory
10. Newcomers should go to 90 meetings in 90 days because:
They have nothing better to do
My sponsor says so
They should go to at least 110 meetings in 90 days
That's what they get for stealing women's underwear